so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have already put on my inside pants.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
