I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
