I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
