just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
