I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
