.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
