we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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