hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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