I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's just like the Real World with babies
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
