dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
