Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
