Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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