vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
