why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
