I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
