even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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