Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
