weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
