Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
