btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
