Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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