That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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