dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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