I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
