Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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