Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
