Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
