I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
