Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
