around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
