I just saw a hot homeless man
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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