I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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