im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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