Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
