i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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