peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
so much tequila, so little girl.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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