i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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