the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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