WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
