My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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