How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
