okay pat passed out under dana's car
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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