And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
