She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
