her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish I only lived at night.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Are we still banned from the library?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Randomize
