I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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