no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
