I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
