Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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