The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
