You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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