"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I want a musical about memes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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